Another plan

I'm not the best planner. Most of my life has happened despite of me, not due to my extraordinary efforts. But as a child and young adult, I did have an image of what I expected my life to be.



I planned to meet my husband in college. I planned to get married right after graduation. I planned to have a nice job in the city and a nice house in the suburbs. I planned to get pregnant exactly when I was ready and to have two or three kids before I was 30.



Oh yeah, I planned.



Of course, this plan was not the same one that God had in mind. No, I didn't find a husband in college. I found him 6 years later (or maybe he found me!). No, I didn't get married right after graduation. But Fred and I did decide to get engaged after dating for 3 weeks...and were married 13 months later. No, I didn't find a job in the city and the aforementioned house. I found a job in a small town where I've now made a life with my family.



And I most certainly did not get pregnant when planned.



We were open to children right away after we were married. I mean, we weren't spring chickens or anything (I was 28, Fred was 39) so we figured there was no reason to wait. After a couple of years I had some preliminary blood work and was told there was nothing wrong. I guess maybe I was just afraid of what we would find out, but I didn't pursue any additional medical help for several years. When we finally did meet with a reproductive endocrinologist, they signed us up for the usual round of tests. We were officially fertility challenged.



Some of the tests came back OK. Others came back with the worst possible news for that point in our treatment. We spent the next 18 months waiting, medicating, testing, and praying. It was not a barrel of monkeys. It was emotional, lonely, heartbreaking. We were surrounded by pregnancy - friends, family, coworkers, heck it even seemed that every person I saw at the grocery store was pregnant. As much as I wanted to be joyful for them, I struggled to be anything but selfishly sorrowful. I feared that my dream of a family was not meant to be.



I was barren. Not just in my womb, but also in my heart.



We knew we were nearing the end of our options, and started to think more seriously about adoption. After a lot of discussion and research, we decided to try just one more test. If that one didn't go well, that was our sign. It would be time to stop.



And time to stop it was. Pick an agency. Do the home study. Take the classes. Wait for the license. Bite nails off while waiting for responses from presentations. Cry. Wait. Butterflies. Pray. Cry some more.



Less than a year after stopping treatment, we got "the call." Two weeks later we had Alec in our arms.



I will never forget that moment.



I often tell Alec his adoption story. I tell him how he was placed in my arms for the very first time, and how I cried happy tears and whispered in his ear "Alec, I've waited so long for you...I'm your Mommy. And I love you." It was so wonderful. Words cannot do it justice, truly. Granted, I did think I was going to throw up from nervousness. I also realized when we brought him home two days later that I had never actually given a baby a bath. Alec noticed. He cried through the whole thing. He also pooped in the middle of the night, and we couldn't locate a diaper. Yes, we were a regular comedy of errors! None the less, we found our way over the next days and weeks.



That moment did not cure our infertility. But it did cure our childlessness. It cured my pain. Sometimes I wish that I could have gone through the pregnancy experience...but what I now know is that I would only have wanted to give birth to MY children. Alec and Cece. They are the children that God made Fred and I to parent.



And I couldn't be more blessed.

Knock Knock...

We've officially reached a new level.

Alec is telling knock knock jokes.

He crawled into our bed this morning and said, "Let's play a game!"

"What game, Alec?"

He responded, "The knock knock game."

"Ok...how does that work?"

"Like this...Knock knock!"

"Who's there?" I said.

"Banana!"

"Banana who?"

"Banana car!" (followed by rampant giggling)

This continued for at least 15 minutes with other versions of my son's preschool stand up routine. None of them made sense, at least not in the adult mind. But that didn't stop us from giggling right along with him!

Here's a few snapshots from the last few weeks...

Trick-or-treating. In case you're wondering, Cece is supposed to be a puppy. It's actually the costume that I had made for Alec when he was about 18 months old, and I tried to make it girly with the pink bows. Not sure that approach worked but I figured this was the last year before she'll insist on a princess costume!!! I also assumed it would be cold outside and that the fleece costume would keep her warm. It was 70 degrees...go figure. The hood came off after the first 3 houses. Then she started coughing and it was the end of Halloween for Cece - but at least she made it down our short block.

Alec and I stayed out until the official end of trick or treating, even after dark. His expression in this pic says it all.

Cece in her "big girl" bed. No more crib for this little chickie!

After her first night in her new bed...sideways, but still in it!

Alec reading to his Cece. Aww :-)

I know I've said it before...

but please, would you pray for Abby? As her dad, Brent, has written on their blog, she's hit "rock bottom." Any prayer you could lift up would be so very appreciated. A link to their blog is on the right margin of this page. God can perform miracles and wonders...so please ask for one on Abby's behalf.

I have been a little worried about Cece today. She's been VERY whiny and just not herself. Yes, she's battling an ear infection, and yes, she's working on two-year molars (still!) but my worry is that she's in some other kind of pain.

Pain crises are a common effect of sickle cell disease. They can range from very minor, requiring OTC pain meds, extra oral fluids and rest, to extremely severe, requiring hospitalization, IV pain meds and IV hydration. In small children they commonly originate as swollen fingers and toes but that is not always the case. They can cause damage to various organs in the body and over a period of years that damage can lead to other problems such as necrosis, kidney failure, and blindness.

Cece has never had a crisis to date, at least that we know of. There was one occasion a couple of months ago when we thought she was having crisis pain in her elbow, but it turned out to be "nursemaid's elbow." Her brother tried to save her from rolling off the bed and had grabbed her arm, the elbow went a bit out of place, and voila. After 3 calls to the hematologist, and preparing to head to the hospital for the requisite IV meds, her arm turned back into place and all was well.

Today I'm just not sure. She's been grabbing at her arm and her leg through the day and has really been generally unhappy - which is not like her at all. So I gave her what is referred to as a "test dose" of ibuprofen to see if it helped. It did. But I still don't know if it's just teething!!!

So here's a little prayer that Cece's not in pain.

And a BIG prayer that Abby gets some relief of hers.