Despite the crazy snow/thunderstorm/sleet thing that came through our area last night and this morning, we made it to work today. Alec and Cece were the only two kids at the sitter's today, as all the schools were cancelled and all the other parents stayed home with their kids. So when we went to pick them up this afternoon it did not seem that out of the realm of normality that Alec was a little out of sorts during the day. We figured he just missed his buddies.
Not 2 hours after we got home, he was spiking a temp. 102.5, to be exact. And an hour after his Tylenol, it had not decreased. I had to call the nurse line because honestly, it has been so long since he had a fever, that all I remember how to do is take a kid to the ER once the temp reaches 100!!! (That's the protocol for Cece.) Ok, that's an exaggeration, but it really has been a long time since we've dealt with a fever that didn't mean hospital admission.
So I set him up with his pillow and blankie and popsicles and juice, and he went to bed excessively easily...oh yeah, he really IS sick. Hopefully, he feels better tomorrow. There have been a lot of 24 hour bugs going around so perhaps its nothing more than that. No other symptoms, so far.
But now comes the worry...will this be our 2nd year in a row spending the week preceding Christmas in the hospital? If Cece gets the same temp, there won't be any negotiations to be had with the pediatricians or hematologist. Into Peds she will go. I'm jumping the gun, I know, but I guess it is a mother's prerogative to worry herself to death, right?!?!
Well, it seems almost trite, especially given all that many of you who read this thing have been through...but if it isn't too much to ask could you say a little prayer that both of our kids are healthy for Christmas this year? That would be the absolute BEST present I could ask for.
Thanks, and if I don't write again before then...Merry Christmas, and God Bless you and your families!
UPDATE 12/20...(that makes it sound like a lot of people read this and it's some kind of news flash...ha ha!!!) Alec is cool as a cucumber this morning, and picking on his sister like normal. So at the moment it appears that our prayers are answered! Thanks!!!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
The shades of us
We have this lovely little book called Shades of Black. I found it while rummaging through the book section at Target one day many months ago, and it has long been one of the kids' favorites. We've read it hundreds of times. I love the fact that it so lovingly and positively reinforces the experience of being Black in terms that are understandable for a toddler or pre-schooler. In my humble opinion, one of the most important things that we can do for our children is to help them to be confident and happy about who they are, inside and out.
Anyway, a few weeks ago we were chatting along, playing in the family room, doing nothing in particular. And Alec announces out of nowhere, "Mommy, Cece is Black." Not for any particular reason, I guess, just the observation at the moment.
So I asked him what color he was. He said "Black." I found this interesting, since although he is half African American, his skin tone during this time of the year is exactly the same as his Daddy's - a beautiful light brown several shades lighter than his sister's gorgeous cocoa colored skin.
I asked what color I was. He said "White." I half-expected pink, but maybe we weren't talking actual color here. Who knows. So I asked him what color Daddy was.
"Daddy is orange."
Orange?
Orange.
What does it all mean? I'm not sure. But at the very least, it means he picks up more than I realize...and it's just the beginning of these discussions without a doubt.
On a completely different note, I'm still trying to figure out what to get the kids for Christmas. They have more toys than Wal-Mart already. We'll try to keep it simple, since they won't play with anything past the 2nd gift anyway. And I will start wrapping the few items that I do have next week. Last year, I had nothing wrapped by December 21st. That was the day that Cece was admitted to the hospital with RSV. Somehow we got everything ready by Christmas but that was a lesson for me!!!
Cece is LOVING the snow we have here in Illinois. She points out the window repeatedly and says, "Look Mommy, NOWING!!!" (pronounced like "snowing" but without the "s" :-) ) She's also eaten about a gallon of snow off of her mittens as she runs to the snow pile as soon as we open the garage door. I bought her a full-body snowsuit off of eBay so she's completely covered with no chance to get a chill in those 30 seconds that I let her adventure out into in the snow. I don't have a picture yet but I'll post one soon. Think snowmobile gear for toddlers, in pale purple. It works.
I'd like them to stay 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 forever. Would that be too much to ask?
Anyway, a few weeks ago we were chatting along, playing in the family room, doing nothing in particular. And Alec announces out of nowhere, "Mommy, Cece is Black." Not for any particular reason, I guess, just the observation at the moment.
So I asked him what color he was. He said "Black." I found this interesting, since although he is half African American, his skin tone during this time of the year is exactly the same as his Daddy's - a beautiful light brown several shades lighter than his sister's gorgeous cocoa colored skin.
I asked what color I was. He said "White." I half-expected pink, but maybe we weren't talking actual color here. Who knows. So I asked him what color Daddy was.
"Daddy is orange."
Orange?
Orange.
What does it all mean? I'm not sure. But at the very least, it means he picks up more than I realize...and it's just the beginning of these discussions without a doubt.
On a completely different note, I'm still trying to figure out what to get the kids for Christmas. They have more toys than Wal-Mart already. We'll try to keep it simple, since they won't play with anything past the 2nd gift anyway. And I will start wrapping the few items that I do have next week. Last year, I had nothing wrapped by December 21st. That was the day that Cece was admitted to the hospital with RSV. Somehow we got everything ready by Christmas but that was a lesson for me!!!
Cece is LOVING the snow we have here in Illinois. She points out the window repeatedly and says, "Look Mommy, NOWING!!!" (pronounced like "snowing" but without the "s" :-) ) She's also eaten about a gallon of snow off of her mittens as she runs to the snow pile as soon as we open the garage door. I bought her a full-body snowsuit off of eBay so she's completely covered with no chance to get a chill in those 30 seconds that I let her adventure out into in the snow. I don't have a picture yet but I'll post one soon. Think snowmobile gear for toddlers, in pale purple. It works.
I'd like them to stay 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 forever. Would that be too much to ask?
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Another plan
I'm not the best planner. Most of my life has happened despite of me, not due to my extraordinary efforts. But as a child and young adult, I did have an image of what I expected my life to be.
I planned to meet my husband in college. I planned to get married right after graduation. I planned to have a nice job in the city and a nice house in the suburbs. I planned to get pregnant exactly when I was ready and to have two or three kids before I was 30.
Oh yeah, I planned.
Of course, this plan was not the same one that God had in mind. No, I didn't find a husband in college. I found him 6 years later (or maybe he found me!). No, I didn't get married right after graduation. But Fred and I did decide to get engaged after dating for 3 weeks...and were married 13 months later. No, I didn't find a job in the city and the aforementioned house. I found a job in a small town where I've now made a life with my family.
And I most certainly did not get pregnant when planned.
We were open to children right away after we were married. I mean, we weren't spring chickens or anything (I was 28, Fred was 39) so we figured there was no reason to wait. After a couple of years I had some preliminary blood work and was told there was nothing wrong. I guess maybe I was just afraid of what we would find out, but I didn't pursue any additional medical help for several years. When we finally did meet with a reproductive endocrinologist, they signed us up for the usual round of tests. We were officially fertility challenged.
Some of the tests came back OK. Others came back with the worst possible news for that point in our treatment. We spent the next 18 months waiting, medicating, testing, and praying. It was not a barrel of monkeys. It was emotional, lonely, heartbreaking. We were surrounded by pregnancy - friends, family, coworkers, heck it even seemed that every person I saw at the grocery store was pregnant. As much as I wanted to be joyful for them, I struggled to be anything but selfishly sorrowful. I feared that my dream of a family was not meant to be.
I was barren. Not just in my womb, but also in my heart.
We knew we were nearing the end of our options, and started to think more seriously about adoption. After a lot of discussion and research, we decided to try just one more test. If that one didn't go well, that was our sign. It would be time to stop.
And time to stop it was. Pick an agency. Do the home study. Take the classes. Wait for the license. Bite nails off while waiting for responses from presentations. Cry. Wait. Butterflies. Pray. Cry some more.
Less than a year after stopping treatment, we got "the call." Two weeks later we had Alec in our arms.
I will never forget that moment.
I often tell Alec his adoption story. I tell him how he was placed in my arms for the very first time, and how I cried happy tears and whispered in his ear "Alec, I've waited so long for you...I'm your Mommy. And I love you." It was so wonderful. Words cannot do it justice, truly. Granted, I did think I was going to throw up from nervousness. I also realized when we brought him home two days later that I had never actually given a baby a bath. Alec noticed. He cried through the whole thing. He also pooped in the middle of the night, and we couldn't locate a diaper. Yes, we were a regular comedy of errors! None the less, we found our way over the next days and weeks.
That moment did not cure our infertility. But it did cure our childlessness. It cured my pain. Sometimes I wish that I could have gone through the pregnancy experience...but what I now know is that I would only have wanted to give birth to MY children. Alec and Cece. They are the children that God made Fred and I to parent.
And I couldn't be more blessed.
I planned to meet my husband in college. I planned to get married right after graduation. I planned to have a nice job in the city and a nice house in the suburbs. I planned to get pregnant exactly when I was ready and to have two or three kids before I was 30.
Oh yeah, I planned.
Of course, this plan was not the same one that God had in mind. No, I didn't find a husband in college. I found him 6 years later (or maybe he found me!). No, I didn't get married right after graduation. But Fred and I did decide to get engaged after dating for 3 weeks...and were married 13 months later. No, I didn't find a job in the city and the aforementioned house. I found a job in a small town where I've now made a life with my family.
And I most certainly did not get pregnant when planned.
We were open to children right away after we were married. I mean, we weren't spring chickens or anything (I was 28, Fred was 39) so we figured there was no reason to wait. After a couple of years I had some preliminary blood work and was told there was nothing wrong. I guess maybe I was just afraid of what we would find out, but I didn't pursue any additional medical help for several years. When we finally did meet with a reproductive endocrinologist, they signed us up for the usual round of tests. We were officially fertility challenged.
Some of the tests came back OK. Others came back with the worst possible news for that point in our treatment. We spent the next 18 months waiting, medicating, testing, and praying. It was not a barrel of monkeys. It was emotional, lonely, heartbreaking. We were surrounded by pregnancy - friends, family, coworkers, heck it even seemed that every person I saw at the grocery store was pregnant. As much as I wanted to be joyful for them, I struggled to be anything but selfishly sorrowful. I feared that my dream of a family was not meant to be.
I was barren. Not just in my womb, but also in my heart.
We knew we were nearing the end of our options, and started to think more seriously about adoption. After a lot of discussion and research, we decided to try just one more test. If that one didn't go well, that was our sign. It would be time to stop.
And time to stop it was. Pick an agency. Do the home study. Take the classes. Wait for the license. Bite nails off while waiting for responses from presentations. Cry. Wait. Butterflies. Pray. Cry some more.
Less than a year after stopping treatment, we got "the call." Two weeks later we had Alec in our arms.
I will never forget that moment.
I often tell Alec his adoption story. I tell him how he was placed in my arms for the very first time, and how I cried happy tears and whispered in his ear "Alec, I've waited so long for you...I'm your Mommy. And I love you." It was so wonderful. Words cannot do it justice, truly. Granted, I did think I was going to throw up from nervousness. I also realized when we brought him home two days later that I had never actually given a baby a bath. Alec noticed. He cried through the whole thing. He also pooped in the middle of the night, and we couldn't locate a diaper. Yes, we were a regular comedy of errors! None the less, we found our way over the next days and weeks.
That moment did not cure our infertility. But it did cure our childlessness. It cured my pain. Sometimes I wish that I could have gone through the pregnancy experience...but what I now know is that I would only have wanted to give birth to MY children. Alec and Cece. They are the children that God made Fred and I to parent.
And I couldn't be more blessed.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Knock Knock...
We've officially reached a new level.
Alec is telling knock knock jokes.
He crawled into our bed this morning and said, "Let's play a game!"
"What game, Alec?"
He responded, "The knock knock game."
"Ok...how does that work?"
"Like this...Knock knock!"
"Who's there?" I said.
"Banana!"
"Banana who?"
"Banana car!" (followed by rampant giggling)
This continued for at least 15 minutes with other versions of my son's preschool stand up routine. None of them made sense, at least not in the adult mind. But that didn't stop us from giggling right along with him!
Here's a few snapshots from the last few weeks...
Trick-or-treating. In case you're wondering, Cece is supposed to be a puppy. It's actually the costume that I had made for Alec when he was about 18 months old, and I tried to make it girly with the pink bows. Not sure that approach worked but I figured this was the last year before she'll insist on a princess costume!!! I also assumed it would be cold outside and that the fleece costume would keep her warm. It was 70 degrees...go figure. The hood came off after the first 3 houses. Then she started coughing and it was the end of Halloween for Cece - but at least she made it down our short block.
Alec and I stayed out until the official end of trick or treating, even after dark. His expression in this pic says it all.
Cece in her "big girl" bed. No more crib for this little chickie!
After her first night in her new bed...sideways, but still in it!
Alec reading to his Cece. Aww :-)
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I know I've said it before...
but please, would you pray for Abby? As her dad, Brent, has written on their blog, she's hit "rock bottom." Any prayer you could lift up would be so very appreciated. A link to their blog is on the right margin of this page. God can perform miracles and wonders...so please ask for one on Abby's behalf.
I have been a little worried about Cece today. She's been VERY whiny and just not herself. Yes, she's battling an ear infection, and yes, she's working on two-year molars (still!) but my worry is that she's in some other kind of pain.
Pain crises are a common effect of sickle cell disease. They can range from very minor, requiring OTC pain meds, extra oral fluids and rest, to extremely severe, requiring hospitalization, IV pain meds and IV hydration. In small children they commonly originate as swollen fingers and toes but that is not always the case. They can cause damage to various organs in the body and over a period of years that damage can lead to other problems such as necrosis, kidney failure, and blindness.
Cece has never had a crisis to date, at least that we know of. There was one occasion a couple of months ago when we thought she was having crisis pain in her elbow, but it turned out to be "nursemaid's elbow." Her brother tried to save her from rolling off the bed and had grabbed her arm, the elbow went a bit out of place, and voila. After 3 calls to the hematologist, and preparing to head to the hospital for the requisite IV meds, her arm turned back into place and all was well.
Today I'm just not sure. She's been grabbing at her arm and her leg through the day and has really been generally unhappy - which is not like her at all. So I gave her what is referred to as a "test dose" of ibuprofen to see if it helped. It did. But I still don't know if it's just teething!!!
So here's a little prayer that Cece's not in pain.
And a BIG prayer that Abby gets some relief of hers.
I have been a little worried about Cece today. She's been VERY whiny and just not herself. Yes, she's battling an ear infection, and yes, she's working on two-year molars (still!) but my worry is that she's in some other kind of pain.
Pain crises are a common effect of sickle cell disease. They can range from very minor, requiring OTC pain meds, extra oral fluids and rest, to extremely severe, requiring hospitalization, IV pain meds and IV hydration. In small children they commonly originate as swollen fingers and toes but that is not always the case. They can cause damage to various organs in the body and over a period of years that damage can lead to other problems such as necrosis, kidney failure, and blindness.
Cece has never had a crisis to date, at least that we know of. There was one occasion a couple of months ago when we thought she was having crisis pain in her elbow, but it turned out to be "nursemaid's elbow." Her brother tried to save her from rolling off the bed and had grabbed her arm, the elbow went a bit out of place, and voila. After 3 calls to the hematologist, and preparing to head to the hospital for the requisite IV meds, her arm turned back into place and all was well.
Today I'm just not sure. She's been grabbing at her arm and her leg through the day and has really been generally unhappy - which is not like her at all. So I gave her what is referred to as a "test dose" of ibuprofen to see if it helped. It did. But I still don't know if it's just teething!!!
So here's a little prayer that Cece's not in pain.
And a BIG prayer that Abby gets some relief of hers.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Favorite Foto Friday
I'm so glad it's the weekend. It's been a long work week with a lot of "windshield time" and long days of sitting in a small room with 5 other engineers. Oh yes, it is just as exciting as it sounds! After two nights of seeing the kids only for about an hour before bed, I was really missing them. It was a thrill to get most of the evening with them tonight. We don't have much going this weekend, just Alec's tumbling class in the morning and church on Sunday.
I do love my downtime!!!
Here's one of my favorite pictures from our outing to Blackberry Farm last weekend. Of all the activities and things to see, what did the kids have the most fun with?
Leaves.
I do love my downtime!!!
Here's one of my favorite pictures from our outing to Blackberry Farm last weekend. Of all the activities and things to see, what did the kids have the most fun with?
Leaves.
Have a great weekend, and enjoy all of God's gifts. I'm gonna.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
My favorite time of year
October has been a busy month. We've picked apples, played in the pumpkin patch, jumped in the leaves and done all of that good midwestern autumnal stuff. It's been great. I can hardly believe that the month is 2/3 of the way over already!
I've always loved the fall. I'm not really into summer...something about sweat that doesn't thrill me, I guess. But now, here we are as the days get shorter, and colder, and flu and cold season is coming soon - and I start to worry.
Yes, we've had 6 months of hospital-free existence. It has been AWESOME. So now I'm writing as I listen to Cece cough in her crib and wonder, how long will it be?
How long before we make the decision in the middle of the night that waiting for the pediatrician's office will just not do, and we'll run to the ER at 3 AM?
How long before I feel her sweet, curly head and notice a burning fever that will send us into Peds for a week?
How long before I will once again have to hold my darling down as she screams so that she can be poked, prodded, IV'd, cathed, xrayed and more...and how long before she'll forgive me?
Ah yes, during those trips to the apple orchards and leaf piles, I forget. It's a great form of amnesia. Sick? Who's sick? Not my kid. Look at her. She's just so full of JOY. But eventually, I feel her little hands and remember...don't let her get cold. She could end up in a pain crisis. Don't let her pet the animals in the petting zoo. She could end up with a bacterial infection that she wouldn't be able to fight.
But I guess most of all, I have to remember...don't forget to let her be a kid. Or to let her experience life. Or to enjoy every single precious moment. Because precious they are.
Right now, Abby's back in the hospital herself and struggling with yet another infection. Please keep her and her family in prayer!
I've always loved the fall. I'm not really into summer...something about sweat that doesn't thrill me, I guess. But now, here we are as the days get shorter, and colder, and flu and cold season is coming soon - and I start to worry.
Yes, we've had 6 months of hospital-free existence. It has been AWESOME. So now I'm writing as I listen to Cece cough in her crib and wonder, how long will it be?
How long before we make the decision in the middle of the night that waiting for the pediatrician's office will just not do, and we'll run to the ER at 3 AM?
How long before I feel her sweet, curly head and notice a burning fever that will send us into Peds for a week?
How long before I will once again have to hold my darling down as she screams so that she can be poked, prodded, IV'd, cathed, xrayed and more...and how long before she'll forgive me?
Ah yes, during those trips to the apple orchards and leaf piles, I forget. It's a great form of amnesia. Sick? Who's sick? Not my kid. Look at her. She's just so full of JOY. But eventually, I feel her little hands and remember...don't let her get cold. She could end up in a pain crisis. Don't let her pet the animals in the petting zoo. She could end up with a bacterial infection that she wouldn't be able to fight.
But I guess most of all, I have to remember...don't forget to let her be a kid. Or to let her experience life. Or to enjoy every single precious moment. Because precious they are.
Right now, Abby's back in the hospital herself and struggling with yet another infection. Please keep her and her family in prayer!
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